


To Linger Till Dawn

by RockSaltandCherryPie



Category: Supernatural
Genre: First Kiss, Implied/Referenced Incest, M/M, Multi, Wincest - Freeform, stanford!sam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-28
Updated: 2014-08-28
Packaged: 2018-02-15 04:12:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2215359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RockSaltandCherryPie/pseuds/RockSaltandCherryPie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: At Stanford sSam & his friends playing some stupid party game and first kisses come up? (As you probably figured out sams was deaaan)</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Linger Till Dawn

"Jen Malone?! No way, man!"

The only side of college that always makes Sam a little bit anxious is the parties. It's not that he's anti-social, actually quite the opposite _—_ he loves meeting new people _—_ but as it goes, personal things always happen to come up and he hates lying. Especially to his girlfriend. He hates having secrets. It just furthers the notion that he's an outcast and a freak.

They're in Jacob's fraternity, he shares it with a few other guys that Sam doesn't really know, but Jess wanted to come so he just went along.

They had been drinking gin and tonic and a few of the guys are wasted. They somehow start talking about first kisses, and that's when Sam gets up to get another drink. He tries to take his time in the kitchen, already feeling something start to swell in his body, a heavy kind of dread.

"Sam, what about you?" Jacob asks him when he comes back in the room and sits back down next to Jess.

"What about me?" Sam says, swallowing down some of the alcohol, trying to buy himself some time. Jess is looking at him with her big green eyes, small curious smile on her lips.

"Who was your first kiss?" Jacob seems so amused, singling Sam out and waiting eagerly for a response.

And Sam knew it was coming. His mind immediately swarms with possible responses, lies, all lies, he could say it was a girl named Katy in middle school? He could pick a name out of a hat and make up a story and it would be a hell of a lot more socially acceptable than the truth.

_He's under the covers with Dean. Dad's somewhere, not there, who cares. But he's gonna be back soon, Dean keeps saying, so they keep their voices hushed and secret. Dean's face is illuminated by the lantern light Dad always keeps in the Impala, he keeps smiling all big, green eyes glowing bright. Sam's trembling anxiously, hands on both of Dean's knees cause Dean promised him he'd show him how it feels to kiss and be kissed._

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

_Dean's lips massage Sam's, soft, so soft, tongue working in slowly, manipulating Sam's expertly. Sam giggles because he feels a buzzing sensation at the back of his neck and it's crawling down his spine like a thousand tiny insects. Dean whispers "what?" lips glistening wet and Sam just replies "keep going" because he's never felt anything like it in his life._

"Was it a guy? It was a guy, wasn't it?" Jacob's asking him, and everyone's looking at him now because he hasn't answered the damn question and he's stalling, like, big time. He turns beat red, feels the heat in his cheeks and neck. Jess puts her hand on his knee.

"No, I..." it's not even worth lying about that, Sam thinks. He's got the most beautiful girlfriend in he's pretty sure the whole state, defending his masculinity isn't really something he's ever been too concerned with.

"Yeah, it was," he says simply, shrugging a little. He tries to play it off like that's what he was on edge about, hoping the color in his cheeks will go away. No one has to know _who_ that guy was.

"Who was it?" Jacob actually asks, prodding at him like he's a trapped insect in a jar.

Sam licks his lips and takes in a breath. _Just lie, it's not that hard,_ he tells himself. _You've been doing it your whole life._

"Just a guy. You don't know him."

Jess takes his hand in her own and strokes lightly with her thumb. She's noticed his discomfort. Sam looks over at her and offers her a weak smile.

Thankfully, Jacob gives up when someone else asks him who _his_ first kiss was. He goes off on a long tangent about this girl who used to be unfortunate looking and how now she's smoking hot or something.

 

He and Jess leave the party just before two in the morning, settling down in the house they're renting. She's in the shower and Sam's sitting in the dark on the edge of the bed. He stares at the phone and wonders what Dean's doing. He should technically be wondering about Dad too but he knows Dad wouldn't be thinking about him and it hurts too much. At least with Dean, there's a possibility he's thinking about Sam as much as Sam finds himself thinking about Dean. At least, that's what he tells himself. He misses his brother unconditionally tonight.

Jess gets out of the shower and emerges from the bathroom in a pink bath robe.

"You're still up?" She asks him, coming to sit next to him on the bed.

He barely smiles, finding it harder than he thought it'd be. His eyes begin to water and he blinks it away.

Jess is quiet for a while before she rests her hand on his thigh and strokes it gently, warmly. Then, she says, in a small voice, "it was Dean, wasn't it?"

His eyes shoot up to meet hers and his heart stutters. He doesn't know how she knew, _is he that easy to read?_ But after his eyes dart away uncomfortably again, he nods. The tears don't fall. He doesn't let them. They sink back and he doesn't move, body gone rigid.

"You think I'm a freak, don't you?" It's Sam's biggest fear. That Jess will discover who he really is and leave him. Part of him thinks he wants her to, so that she isn't weighed down by the burdens he carries. She doesn't deserve them. He looks up when she doesn't respond for a long time.

"Of course not," she says and takes his hand.

Relief courses throughout him and they let their heads fall together. She smells like shampoo and delicious strawberry soap. He wants to bury himself in her and stay there forever.

The phone rings, breaking the silence, and Sam jumps. He hesitates, eyes darting back and forth once from Jess to the phone. An image of Dean on the other end, tired and drunk in some cheap motel with Dad makes him get up eagerly. He hovers his hand over the phone and pictures Dean's voice, gruff and cheeky, as always, calling him "Sammy." He hasn't heard it in forever. As much as he hates the childish nickname, he needs to hear it tonight.

But when he picks up, gripping the phone tight in his sweaty hand, it isn't Dean's voice that greets him on the other end.

Jess left her wallet or something at Jacob's place. He hands the phone to her and she arranges when to pick it up.

Sam lies back on the bed and curls on his side, pulling the covers over him. He's supposed to be happy because it's the weekend and he's got a great girlfriend and he loves Stanford and this is exactly what he wanted his life to be. But somehow, somehow tonight, he feels heavy, he feels the hole where all the pieces he left behind last year are supposed to fit, and he can't shake it off.

Even when Jess' arms wrap around him from behind, warm and soft and gentle, he still feels it. The emptiness. He shuts his eyes to make it all go away.

**Author's Note:**

> I really enjoyed writing this because I've never done Stanford!Sam before and it was really interesting. Also put me in the school mood ;)  
> I didn't really mean for it to get heavy, especially towards the end, but I wanted to show Sam missing big bro (cause i live for that, obvs)  
> I've had dream a little dream of me in my head since tuesday, hence title.


End file.
